The Fool
by SleepDeprivedFemale
Summary: Kid keeps seeing Excalibur everywhere he goes and it's starting to drive him (more) mad. Excalibur can't believe he's stuck babysitting the Great Old One of Order.
1. To Fool

**Commissioned by ****Orcatea ( ryuucha on tumblr)**

**Timeline: P****ost-manga**

**Word Count: ****9.8k**

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

**Chapter 1: To Fool**

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

"Fool!"

Of all the things Kid dreaded to hear first thing in the morning, that particular voice from that particular individual was ranked at the very top, in close contest with 'Asura escaped his Moon prison and is wreaking havoc again'.

Taking a sharp deep breath, Kid turned around and looked down to face the source of his heart-clenching dread.

A tiny monochrome white creature with disproportionately large bulbous eyes and an elongated upturned snout 'dressed' in a top hat as tall as him and a lacy aristocratic jacket. His lower half was comprised of tiny rabbit-like legs, while his equally tiny fingerless hands wielded a white cane with deadly precision which was currently pointed inches away from Kid's face. A nonsensical form that Patty had once compared to a Pokémon.

Excalibur.

It was only his inhuman iron-like hold on his body that allowed Kid to stop himself just in time from scrunching his face into the infamous 'Excalibur grimace'. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for your wake-up call!"

Kid paused. A wake-up call? A phrase used to alert a person to an unseen problem? Had Excalibur noticed something Kid had been missing and had come here to alert him of it? What could this issue be? Kid thought he had been keeping on top of things, but there was always the possibility he had missed something. After all, he was inexperienced, the Academy had suffered losses after the Battle at the Moon, and even with Asura sealed away there were still the occasional soul eaters roaming free and unfettered, spreading their chaos, and really, that was the whole problem everything was just so _disordered_-

Kid blinked and bit his tongue to focus.

No, whatever scenario Kid's paranoid mind came up with, this was _Excalibur_. Knowing him, the so-called Holy Sword was probably being very literal and had no idea of the metaphorical meaning.

"I don't sleep," Kid eventually replied in a forced monotone.

Well, Kid used to sleep, but he was too busy to do so now; apart from the usual administrative duties as the Headmaster of the DWMA, he now had to deal with negotiations for the Witch-DMWA peace treaty, as well as sort out the bureaucratic nightmare that was his enrolment status -Grim Reaper or not, he had technically not graduated from the Academy.

To add to all that, final exams were coming up, and Liz had committed to trying to study, dragging Patty along. The results so far were variable, but it also meant Liz and Patty couldn't help around the house as much for the time being. Kid did not mind the extra chores, as he didn't want the sisters to die from stress or from an unhealthy diet.

"In fact," Kid added in a diplomatic tone, hoping he would get a tiny opening he could use to escape this encounter, "I was just here to prepare food for Liz and Patty, so, if you'll excuse me…"

"Fool!" Excalibur exclaimed and before Kid knew it the cane was pointed at his face again -was it Kid's imagination or had it been closer this time?

Nevertheless, Kid paused again. Verbal tick or not, Excalibur did have his own reasons, however convoluted, in calling people fools. Had Excalibur truly meant something else with the phrase 'wake-up call' and called Kid a fool because of him misunderstanding it-?

"Sleep or not, a morning routine is the most important part of the day!" Excalibur continued in the same outraged tone as before.

Kid's built-up tension escaped his body with all the enthusiasm of an underpaid clown. "I've already made sure the house is clean and symmetrical-"

"Fool! That is no way to have a morning routine!" Excalibur said and Kid felt an increasing urge to grab that cane and throw it and Excalibur with it, outside of Death City. "In any case, I will sing a song to lift your spirits~"

The empty space left behind Kid's tension was now instantly replaced by suffocating dread. "No-"

"Excalibur~! Excalibur~!"

Pleasantries and politeness be damned, Kid dashed past Excalibur out of his house and made a bee-line for the Academy and the safe isolation of the Death Room.

"From the United Kingdom~!"

That cursed creature! Even when not in their presence, Kid's mind would recite that annoying song as if it was the newest catchy pop song that Liz played on repeat for weeks.

"I'm looking for Heaven~!"

As the voice grew louder, Kid got the distinct expression that this wasn't a case of his mind torturing him, but rather that the guilty party was not only following him but getting closer too.

"I'm going to California~!"

Kid turned around mid-dash to see Excalibur running after him, his small-rabbit-like legs blurred as he ran as fast, if not more so, as Kid.

"Excalibur~!"

He _was_ getting closer!

_"Excalibur~!"_

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

Kid entered the Death room and slid down with relief.

Thank goodness. No Excalibur here. The Death room was impassable, not us to people, but to sound light, and any other pesky annoyance if Kid wished it so.

Yes, now Kid could relax in his newly-renovated Death Room. He had made some changes by introducing an office, a chair, along with a generous amount of selves and filing cabinets where Kid would carefully store the increasing amount of paper that came his way.

Despite the changes in the central area, however, the basic layout remained the same. The mirror remained by his side, used to communicate when Kid didn't have the time to visit them personally. The office space itself was encircled by the same infinite space that surrounded father's Death Room, an endless landscape of hard sand and crooked graves, with a moving cartoony sky that looked like it was painted-on an invisible ceiling.

In any case, Kid was safe here. What a relief.

Said relief vanished when Kid opened his eyes to see the Death Room, instead of being the muted but tasteful office décor, it was now buried under garlands, flower bouquets, and streamers, all of them featuring Excalibur's face, design and physical constraints be damned.

Speak of what Kid now believed was a literal Devil, Excalibur somehow appeared beside him, eyeing this abomination of indoor-design with a tear in his eye. "I updated your décor to something more festive!"

Of all the things Kid wanted to say, there was one thought that kept reverberating in his head. "How did you even get into the Death Room without me knowing?!"

"Fool!" Excalibur replied as he pointed his cane, as always, at Kid's face. "No door has ever stopped the legendary holy sword-!"

Legendary holy sword or not, Kid still threw him out.

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

As with many things in Kid's life, his graduation did not go as planned.

It all began when Kid had asked Spirit to be a witness in a quick, no-fanfare graduation ceremony that had been long overdue. As per the tradition, the DWMA's Headmaster handed each student their graduation scroll, so it looked quite comical when Kid handed his graduation scroll from his right hand to his left. Honestly, when he had decided to enrol in the Academy, Kid had expected that he would graduate quickly, his Father would hand him the scroll with a quick informal congratulations and ruffle his hair, but…

In any case, Kid needed a witness, as per the rules, so he had chosen Spirit, Father's Deathscythe and usual witness in previous ceremonies. Though Kid had expected Spirit to be a bit emotional about the ceremony, he had not expected the man to bring a camera and photograph Kid with a tear in his eye, muttering about 'they grow up so fast'. In addition, Spirit, always unhelpful, had decided it was best that this typicality included everyone in his class, most of his teachers, and lots of alcohol.

Several hours and bottles later, after Kid had put a drunk Liz and a sugar-rushed Patty to bed, he made a final check around the house with a small smile on his face. Formality or not, Kid did enjoy the small impromptu party. He probably wouldn't enjoy with the clean-up, noise complaints, and hungover staff tomorrow morning, but such was life.

Something soft landed in the back of the head. Kid caught it and brought it forward only to see the offending object was a gym uniform. In Kid's size. In fact, it was the same one from his wardrobe.

Equal amounts of perturbed and alarmed, Kid turned around to see no one.

His alarm now replaced by a growing dread, Kid looked down only to see down and see Excalibur wearing matching clothes, with no pants as usual.

Kid silently looked at the gym clothes. Then back at Excalibur.

"Graduating is no excuse for neglecting your health!"

Despite the absurdity of the situation, Kid found himself oddly calm, like a monk facing the apocalypse. "I'm a Grim Reaper-"

"Fool!"

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

"Hey," came Kim's voice as she walked inside the Death Room, her eyes quickly scanning the documents in her hand. "Got you that report about the Witch alliance you wanted…"

Kim paused as she looked up. Kid couldn't blame her, he had had the same reaction, only with a lot more screaming and cursing.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way~" came a muffled voice from behind Kid as Excalibur was struggling to put up a wreath two times his size.

Kim's eyes went from Excalibur to Kid, her mouth open.

"Don't say a word," Kid cut her off with a warning tone, preventing her from making a grave mistake. "If you don't ignore him he will drag you into this."

Kim stared at Kid. Kid stared back.

Wordlessly, Kim gave him a quick nod, turned around and marched out of the Death Room.

Kid sighed. At least he had averted disaster for one person, even if it was too late for him.

As Excalibur kept singing horribly off-tune, Kid rubbed his face. A stray piece of tinsel fell out of his hair. Many more were probably still tangled up there. No matter how many Kid pulled out, he would always find new ones.

"Oh, what fun it is to have Christmas with Excalibur, hey~!" Excalibur continued, stretching and shortening the syllables in unnatural ways so they fit his horrible rendition of a Christmas carol.

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

Death City during midday in summer might as well have been mistaken for a ghost town. Due to the sweltering heat and blazing sun, inhabitants had wisely chosen to stay inside. The Academy itself was closed for summer vacation, though some staff did still work, preparing next year's curriculums or performing the necessary maintenance and expansions in the old building.

The only exception was Kid, who dashed from alleyway to alleyway in a quick blink-and-you'll-miss-it way. A bag of groceries was securely fastened in his lap, occasionally shifting and giving away his location.

Eventually, Kid reached Death Manor's backdoor and let out a sigh of relief. He wasn't spotted. He wasn't followed. No Excalibur in sight.

Lately, whenever Kid went grocery shopping -or just shopping in general- Excalibur would always 'happen' to be in his way and would end up following him and being his typical annoying self. Though the experience was horrible for Kid, he couldn't help but feel worse for the poor employees and bystanders that happened to be subjected to Excalibur's presence. Just the other day when Kid had popped by the convenience store, the cashier there had been trying her hardest to be polite to the Grim Reaper but had looked like she was about to have an aneurysm from her suppressed anger and annoyance after Excalibur had called her a fool for the umpteenth time.

In any case, Excalibur hadn't shown up today. Relieved, Kid manoeuvred the overfilled bag of groceries in one hand, searched for his keys and swung the door wide open, glad that his day so far had been Excalibur free-

Excalibur was there, the bright sun casting a sharp shadow behind him.

Kid dropped his groceries.

Excalibur raised a hand, but uncharacteristically, not the one that held his cane. Instead, another object was in his hand, something that Kid, stuck between frustration and incredulity, couldn't quite process.

"Fool! You forgot the bananas!"

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

Patty yawned, Kid let out a content sigh and Liz mumbled and held them closer. A small gust of cool summer wind came from the open window.

They were all lying haphazardly on the bed in Liz's room because of its large mattress. As it had been relayed to Kid by Liz, Patty had a nightmare and had headed to Liz's room, who offered to keep her sister company. However, once Patty described her nightmare, Liz had also gotten scared and so Kid had been called in so the three would have a hopefully nightmare-free sleepover. Kid wasn't sure how much of the above was true -Liz, scaredy-cat or not, didn't tend to be that scared by hearing someone else's nightmare's- and how much it was Liz coming up with an excuse for the three to have a sleepover like they had in the past, but he joined in nonetheless.

Kid eyed an alarm clock placed on a bedside table, scratched from whenever Liz got too angry at its existence. The label read 2 in the morning; a couple of hours had passed since Liz had called him. She had been the first one to sleep, occasionally mumbling or lightly snoring. Kid wasn't sure if Patty was sleeping, but she had her eyes closed and her breaths were slow and steady.

Just when Kid was about to close his eyes and get some much-needed rest, he heard the bedroom's door creak open.

An intruder? In their house? Either it was some hapless academy staff that had some urgent need to contact them -in which case it'd better be a real emergency- or a burglar or some other person with ill-intentions, in which case Kid would be dealing with a monumentally stupid individual.

Before Kid activated his Soul Perception to determine how much he should chastise the unwelcome stranger, he noticed an elongated snout poke out the door, casting a long shadow.

Excalibur.

Kid froze, unsure on what to do. He couldn't yell at him to get the hell out; he couldn't get up and throw him out either.

He was helpless.

Excalibur strolled into the room, spinning his cane with little care. "Greet-!"

Patty, eyes still closed, grabbed Excalibur by one tiny leg, swing him around like a lasso before letting go and catapulting him out of the window and over the fence, casting a wide arc.

"Fooooooooooooooool!"

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

Even in the very secluded and very formal process of negotiating their peace treaty with the Witches, Kid sensed him, as he had done so at every place he had been to in the last few days.

The ominous feeling accompanied by a wave of frustration. The annoying tip-tap of his cane, a sound as unpleasant as nails on a chalkboard. The 'Fool' at the tip of his tongue.

Worst of all while the Judge Witch went on about how mutually assured cooperation was of grave importance to the Witches Council, Kid was trying very, _very_ hard to keep a straight face as he could now also see him.

Out of the corner of his eye.

Giving him a thumbs up, somehow.

Excalibur.

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

Kid thought he was safe in the DWMA's cafeteria, surrounded by hundreds of other students and staff too hungry to notice that the Grim Reaper was dining -in actuality just staring at a glass of water and occasionally glancing around him like a paranoid conspiracy theorist- alongside them.

A flash of light aimed at his direction had Kid almost jump from his place and yell out that accursed name in a tongue that would make the building shake.

Instead, Kid very calmly put aside his glass of water and stood up, an occasional twitch of his eye being the only indication of his fraying mental state. He politely excused himself as he walked against the crowd and to the gates of the cafeteria, letting out a sigh when he was away from the crowd.

Then he made a mad dash against the intruder, having pinpointed his soul the moment that flash of light went off. Part of him screamed not to, as he could see by his Soul Perception that it was _him_ Kid was chasing, but another part was morbidly curious in why Excalibur had taken a photo of him.

Kid turned a corner and ended up in a deserted dead-end corridor that led to a few empty office spaces. Without bothering to look behind him -did he know he was being pursued?- Excalibur stopped his hop-like running and snapped the photo from his camera. He took out a book that apparently he had been storing somewhere, -Kid had learned not to rely on something as fragile as the laws of physics when around Excalibur- a glue of paint and began fumbling with them and the photo.

Kid slowly walked towards Excalibur as if he was a human approaching a starving lion. "What are you-?"

Excalibur hurrah-ed, threw the stick of glue away, and presented the book to Kid. "Ta-da~!"

There were photos of Kid he had never realised had been taken, along with a few sparse shots of the occasional Academy member and the Spartoi. All of them chronologically sorted and carefully arranged in a photo album.

Excalibur had made a fucking collage.

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

It was Halloween night, and Kid was exhausted. He was already feeling sleepy even if the sun had just set and was dreading about performing the midnight ceremony for the first time without Father. There were traditions to be upheld, expectations, all while the Grim Reaper experienced the closest thing he could to sleep deprivation.

Kid needed a nap. In fact, he was in the process of getting one, as he had just arrived in Death Manor, eager to go to his old room and relax for the few free hours he had left for tonight.

Kid turned the doorknob and a wave of streamers hit him in the face.

"Surprise!"

Very slowly, Kid pulled the streamers away, face neutral at the sheer incredulity of what had happened but with resolve to make it until tonight without exploding at anyone.

Said resolve was gravely tested when the door fully opened and a large group of inappropriately-dressed people -Why was the entirety of Chupa Cabra's at his house on Halloween night?!- let out a whoop. The less that could be said about the state of the hall, covered in more streamers and wreaths and other decorations that were at minimum very improper for tonight's event, the better.

In addition to all of the above nonsense, there was the giant cake in the middle of the living room, which, like everyone else, _was not supposed to be here!_

"Um, Mr Holy Sword," Arisa, wearing a risqué red dress with a plunging neckline, whispered to the cake, "he's arrived-"

The top of the cake erupted with a wave of confetti and that _snout_ appeared again, its owner waving the cane with gratuitous enthusiasm.

_Excalibur_.

Kid took a big calming breath and the shadows retreated back to his frame. The staff here were innocent. They had probably been dragged along this… scheme, and it would be immoral to subject them to his bubbling anger. Nonetheless…

"_What_," the Grim Reaper used the voice reserved for only the most despicable of soul eaters, a tone that caused any mortal to seriously doubt the life choices that lead to this encounter, "_is this_?"

"This is how I used to celebrate!" Excalibur exclaimed, waving his cane at his surroundings. The staff looked at each other with increasingly crest-fallen expressions. "Before any big night, one must unwind and what better way than with-!"

The Chupa Cabra's staff wisely began leaving death Manor through the backdoor.

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

Today marked a year since Father's death.

A lot had happened after a year yet retelling them made it seem like barely anytime had passed. The alliance treaty with the Witches was progressing slowly but steadily. Incidences of soul-eating had dropped dramatically. Areas affected from the Madness were recovering and rebuilding. Overall, Kid could only hope he had done a good job.

Kid had taken the day off, and was currently at the very back of the Death Room, standing over Father's grave; a small patch of land marked by a large obelisk where Father's name was carved in various languages, human or not, along with the inscription 'Loving Father and prudent guardian' at the very bottom.

It… wasn't much of a grave, to be honest. There had been nothing left to bury. A memorial would be a more fitting description, but Kid had been the one to create it and the process had felt more like digging a grave.

There was a proposal of erecting a statue of Father but Kid had turned that down. They were Grim Reapers. Statues of them were pointless.

A presence appeared beside him. Momentarily alarmed, Kid looked down by his side to see…

_Excalibur_.

…How did Excalibur get in here- _why_ was Excalibur here-?

Kid took a sharp breath and tore his gaze away from Excalibur. No, he would not react. Not today, no matter what infuriating thing Excalibur said or did. Not here.

Excalibur said nothing, however, nor did he wave his cane like an overexcited toddler. Instead, he had grasped it with both hands, silently standing by Kid and staring up at Father's grave.

In any case, Kid didn't talk either.

The two stood in silence.


	2. To Be Fooled

**Commissioned by ****Orcatea ( ryuucha on tumblr)**

**Timeline: P****ost-manga**

**Word Count: ****9.8k**

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

**Chapter 2: To Be Fooled**

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

Excalibur hummed his own song as they strolled through one of the Academy's many hallways. Though they did have a destination in mind and they could reach said destination immediately, they had decided to go for a little walk first. Not only would they grace the various youngsters' here with their presence, but Excalibur could also see what had become of the DWMA, one of Death's final and most ambitious creations.

Well, the latter part was debatable. Not on the 'final and 'ambitious' front; Excalibur had to begrudgingly admit that the creation and continued existence of a place designed to educate and train Arachne's failed experiments was a rather cunning and impressive feat. However, Death had taken another concurrent… 'project' -though everyone involved may object to such a term- for the last one and a half decades, one whose culmination ended with their demise.

Kid's creation.

During their first meeting in the Eternal Cave, Excalibur had thought it had been a mere case of shape-shifting. They had sensed a Grim Reaper's presence, so they had emerged, only to see two humanoid figures, with the Grim Reaper calling himself… -he had a very specific nickname that Excalibur couldn't quite nail down; Guy? Child? Junior? Ah, no, it was Kid!

In any case, before Excalibur had the time to say anything, this 'Kid' and that other human boy said they had come to found them. Excalibur had thought it had been about time, the disbandment of the Eight Warlords notwithstanding.

Then Kid had acted rather confused about who and what Excalibur was, and that had thrown him for a loop. They had thought that retelling his many achievements or name would clear things up, but the two had simply left.

So, Excalibur, feeling rather insulted, had left their very comfortable abode -the faeries there had been crying, surely mourning the loss of their shining presence- in search of Death, hoping to teach them some manners about the treatment of old acquaintances, especially ones of such high prestige like themselves. They had marched right into Death City, eager to meet this new Death and have some words about how rude it was to ignore old acquaintances like that, only to stumble upon the actual Death that Excalibur had known.

It had all been rather… confusing for lack of a better term, and the ensuing talk between him and Death felt like it had lasted a century; a talk that consisted of occasional gossip, reminiscing old victories and finally, catching up on Death's latest scheme, and not just the one about running the Academy. The creation of a new Grim Reaper, but unlike any of them before. A blank canvas left to grow on their own instead of a predetermined existence and purpose as it had been with Asura or Death themselves. A process that invited chaos and sabotage at every turn. At the time, Excalibur had thought this was the most foolish plan they had heard.

But then it'd worked and before Excalibur realised it, they were standing by Death, who, in their final moments, cheered on the fragment and made Excalibur commit to a most inconvenient promise. Excalibur, honourable person that they were, had kept up that promise; they had been there to provide valuable insight when the new Grim Reaper realised Death's demise, explanations that were rudely interrupted by said Grim Reaper going on his own rant about responsibility and duty like the old Death used to do.

Honestly, the more things changed, the more they stayed the same.

In any case, Excalibur was still keeping their promise; they had been keeping close tabs on Kid and so far no major catastrophes had happened. In fact, they were due to their usual daily check on the Grim Reaper.

Excalibur stopped on a deserted hallway. They tapped their cane and waited. Moments later, the Death Room's door appeared before them in a convenient distance as always.

Excalibur happily sauntered through the door and the ensuing guillotine hallway, until they reached the centre of the structure, an elevated area of smooth rock. A typical human office had been set up on it, with paperwork strewn all over the place. In the centre of it was Kid, who instead of busying himself with the paperwork as always, was instead collapsed on the desk, head buried in paperwork.

Excalibur announced their presence with a polite hem. Honestly, anyone who couldn't detect their arrival was a fool and should be called such, but as always, Excalibur exercised restraint.

The Grim Reaper slightly raised his head and gave Excalibur a narrow-eyed look. "Oh, it's you. Great."

Excalibur couldn't tell if Kid was being honest or if he was employing this mysterious 'sarcasm' dialect so common to human languages. Well, since everyone was happier after meeting Excalibur, their educated -aka accurate-guess would be that the Grim Reaper was genuinely happy to meet them.

"Greetings!" Excalibur began with a suitably enthusiastic voice that would strike cheer into any person's heart.

The Grim Reaper buried his head right back into the paperwork.

"What are you doing?"

"…Thinking," came Kid's muffled voice eventually, making no motion to look up at Excalibur.

"Of what?"

"None of your business."

Excalibur blinked. That was rather rude. "Fool! Nothing is anyone's business and isolating yourself is no way to face a challenge!"

This time Kid did eventually look up at Excalibur with a grimace. "The worst part is that you occasionally make sense," they heard Kid grumble.

Hah! Excalibur's words were always filled with overflowing wisdom, but unfortunately, other beings were simply too dull to comprehend them. As such, since Excalibur had no plans to dumb themselves down, they were always willing to explain said wise words.

"I don't suppose you have any information of a rogue Witch Coven allied with Kishin Eggs, do you?" Kid spoke up before Excalibur could begin an extensive monologue of the time they had turned an old beggar's life around by telling her to 'seize the day', which had resulted on the old woman becoming the proud owner of a luxurious mansion. Sure there were some hiccups such as accidental blackmail and smuggling of illicit substances, but Excalibur's wisdom of never letting any chances in life pass you by had paid off.

In any case, Excalibur walked by Kid to see a long list of crossed out names unrolled on their desk, its end reaching the floor. So it was a Witches coven he was after?

"Fool! Aren't you allied with the Witches?"

Kid flinched as soon as Excalibur spoke and they were filled with pride. As always their words rang true and resonated deeply with anyone that heard them. "Yes, but this particular Coven has been going after their fellows. The Witches Council suspects they're feeding Witch souls to the Kishin Eggs and any forces they've sent so far have been killed. So, the Grand Witch has requested the DWMA's _discreet_ assistance in the matter." Kid eyed the long list with barely-hidden distaste. "To make matters worse, the Coven calls itself 'Arachne's Disciples'."

Ah, that Witch. Even in death she still caused trouble.

"Their hideout seems to be somewhere in Central Europe," Kid continued, "so I'm thinking of sending a Deathscythe to investigate-"

"Fool!" That would only get them killed!"

"Spirit is quite capable…" Kid paused in consideration. "But he is bogged down with negotiations with the Witches Council's Eastern European branch and I'll need to find him a suitable Meister since Stein is busy with his new-born and the team I've been looking to pair him up is rather inexperienced…"

Well, Excalibur had been primarily thinking about how sending a Meister-less Deathscythe would be silly, but even then that was because that was the most prominent flaw in the Grim Reaper's inadequate summary of their plan. In any case, Excalibur had been certain that what they said had also accounted for all the little details that Kid was mumbling to himself. Yes, their thought process was so far-reaching and comprehensive that even Excalibur's wise consciousness had trouble catching up sometimes.

"I suppose the safest option would be to investigate on my own," Kid kept muttering, his voice a constant droning sound that was beginning to irritate Excalibur, "but I'll need a Weapon and I don't think any Deathscythes are available, so I may have to use Liz and Patty-"

Excalibur was about to let out another scathing 'Fool!' and lecture Kid on the virtues of being concise, but paused when they took in the Grim Reaper's body language.

A slumping posture, an inclination of the head towards the torso, a twitching of the fingers, and a general shrinking of the overall frame. Put together, these formed a very specific set of gestures, ones Excalibur had seen a long time ago. It had been on someone with a very different physical form, but Excalibur paid no attention to such trivialities. Their souls were the same, though the present one was still lacking the fragment that had caused such gestures to emerge in the past.

Doubt. Worry.

Fear.

Before they realised what they were doing, Excalibur stood on their tiptoes, reached out and gave Kid a reassuring pat on the back. Apparently, a pat on the back was a sure-fire way to get Kid to relax, as had been pointed to Excalibur years ago when they had reunited with Death. Excalibur had never realised until now how much of that time had been spent about Death gushing over their fragment- their _son_, going over minute details that even Excalibur, experienced in dealing with children as they were, had never paid attention to.

Kid momentarily relaxed. Immediately after though, he reeled back as if electrocuted. "What was that?!"

Excalibur couldn't remember the last time they had taken more than a second to answer such a trivial question "...Nothing."

Kid grimaced. "That wasn't nothing, that spot-!"

Excalibur hmphed. "Fool! A simple pat is nothing to raise such a fuss about-"

"As if it was just that!" Kid cut them off. "You've been stalking me for the past year like a vengeful ghost and I can't for the life of me," Excalibur held back a snicker at that phrase, "figure out why!"

"Fool!" Excalibur cut him off, feeling rather annoyed as, like always, people demanded explanations of them. "All you need to know is that my motivation has been nothing but selfless-"

Kid scoffed. "Very convincing as always-"

"But of course," Excalibur said in stride, glad Kid had been satisfied by his vague explanation-

"I was being sarcastic!"

Excalibur blinked. "…Rude. And ungrateful. You've had my support for the past year-"

"Support?!" Kid cut himself off -that was also a habit Excalibur disliked, since though they paid attention to only cut people off when they were being idiotic, other people tended to cut Excalibur off at their most poignant. "You've been nothing but that-!"

"Fool! You simply cannot comprehend-!"

"You know what, I don't care," Kid muttered to himself before turning to Excalibur. "Get out of my life!"

Excalibur tilted his head at the Grim Reaper, suppressing the urge to laugh at the unintentional joke. "A life you say?"

Kid stood up, picked Excalibur up by the collar and walked to the guillotine hallway. "You know what I mean!"

Had any other being grabbed Excalibur like that, they would have cut them in half. However, this was Kid and Excalibur had made a promise that had turned out to be quite _grating_, to say the least.

Well, at least the gesture was more amusing than insulting. Yes, in fact, it was rather cute too, like a puppy getting mad at you and letting out tiny uncoordinated barks.

Light poured through the Death Room as its door swung open on an empty hallway.

Kid threw Excalibur as if they were a ragdoll. "Out!"

Excalibur landed on their feet like a gliding cat as the Death Room's door shut close with a resounding thud. They brushed themselves off -Kid, baby Grim Reaper or not, better not have wrinkled their clothes- tapped their cane and waited.

Moments later, dark shadows formed a rectangle as the Death Room's door swung open, revealing the guillotine hallway.

"_WHY_?!" came a distant yell from Kid that grew increasingly loud as he rushed back to the Death Room's door, glaring daggers at it.

Excalibur brushed the last speck of dust from their jacket.

"Why does it-?" Kid looked from the door to Excalibur. "Have you done something to it?!"

"Fool! I have permission-!"

"I never gave you-!"

"Fool! Not you!"

"Then by who-" Kid cut himself off and his eyes widened.

Excalibur held back a triumphant laugh. Ah, he must have realised by now. "It was your predecessor, for the purposes of a duty appointed to me which I have been diligently fulfilling. Foo-!"

Excalibur cut himself off.

Like the gestures from before, the expression before him was also hauntingly familiar.

An utter blankness that had turned into a rather overwhelming force of nature when Excalibur may or may not have tried something rather ill-thought when it came to picking opponents.

Well, if anything, Excalibur could now see the family resemblance.

"_He__'__s gone_." Kid's blank voice also was rather disquieting, but honestly, any dread Excalibur may or may not have felt at that moment had probably been because of that dubious mussel he had eaten a couple of days ago. Yes, that must be the reason for the pit in their non-existent stomach. "I don't know why you're here, but if you're chasing ghosts I suggest you leave."

Kid turned and, walked back into Death Room. The door closed silently, leaving behind an empty hallway.

Excalibur blinked.

…Chasing ghosts. Hah! Excalibur was doing no such thing. They were just keeping a promise, that was all. And they were just being very thorough about it.

Excalibur tapped their cane and waited.

Nothing happened.

Excalibur tapped their cane again and waited.

Still nothing.

Once again, Excalibur tapped their cane. And waited.

No door appeared.

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

Excalibur casually strolled by a pile of pebbles that had been a proud rock hours before. They nonchalantly jumped over a pool of blood and walked over a dismembered hand, careful not to get any dirt, dust or blood over them.

With a low whistle, Excalibur inspected the ravaged battlefield before them; a small area that formed a sharp outcrop barely tall enough to be classified as a cliff.

They had arrived here after some rumours in the village they had spent the last month in; rumours about Witches going missing, or people being kidnapped, of inhuman howls coming from caves in a nearby mountain.

Honestly, it all began when Excalibur had decided they deserved a vacation after all their hard work at keeping their promise and had picked a small village in Central Europe as their destination. Now if Excalibur had come across that place by spying from that long list that also contained dates and coordinates… Well, they would never resort to such underhanded tactics. They were welcome everywhere after all!

In any case, Excalibur had chosen to stay at that village completely at random, but as always, adventure beckoned them. Of course, Excalibur had been eager to answer her call, as always, which is why they found themselves in this ravaged battlefield, eager to put to rest such ghastly rumours about rogue Witch Covens and soul eaters.

As it turned out though, apparently someone else had got to them first. Or rather, was in the process of getting them.

Strange. From what Excalibur had spied in Kid's office during their many visits, this was supposed to be a quick and undercover mission-

Ahem. Not that this was why Excalibur was here of course. It was simply a fortunate coincidence.

In any case, Excalibur followed the trail of blood and strewn limbs, reaching a wide cave opening. A grunt came from it as a disfigured bloody creature used all of its remaining limbs to crawl out. Behind it, the darkness shifted until several skull-shaped shadows emerged towards it, digging their sharp claws at its flesh and dragging it back into the depths, where its infernal screeching came to an abrupt halt.

Well.

Well, well, well.

Excalibur adjusted their top hat, tapped their cane, and strolled into the cave. Their whistling echoed in walls wet from blood and viscera. The area was completely lightless and at times even Excalibur struggled to see, despite their superior vision. The less that could be said about the smell the better. Honestly, they would never get used to the smell of corpses.

Excalibur passed by a diverse array of bodies, some resembling humans as if created by an over imaginative-child with Play-Doh, while others appeared like malevolent Witches from old folklore. Occasionally, a scream would ring out from deeper within the cave.

Excalibur made a sharp turn and saw light. Or rather, three tiny pinpricks of it coming from deeper in the cave, reflected across smooth stone, shattered glass and pools of blood.

As Excalibur ventured further into the cave, they came across the mutilated corpse of the Kishin Egg they had seen at the entrance. The light was stronger here, casting long shadows in its ripped-open chest cavity.

Their whistling dying down, Excalibur strolled past the corpse and made a final turn into the very heart of the cave. There, the light coming from the three floating halo-like Lines of Sanzu illuminated every nook and cranny, glinting off stalactite-clinging water droplets, piercing through the still flesh of corpses strewn in a cyclical arrangement from the epicentre of the chamber where… 'Kid' sat.

Chains lined with nails had been fastened to his limbs, the ends torn off from whatever destroyed contraption they had originally belonged to. The shadows, the only thing the lights couldn't pierce, coalesced on his frame, though none of them dared come in contact with the two human figures he was desperately clutching.

The two Thompsons, Excalibur recognised moments later. The younger one was lying still, her breathing laboured, her arms and fingers bent at unnatural angles and her face feverish. The older one looked livelier, though their only movements were an occasional twitch of her arms to the direction of a deep gash on the back of her head.

Ah, so that explained a few things. Excalibur was beginning to get an idea of what had happened here.

In any case, their presence had gone unnoticed. Again.

Excalibur taped their cane, a rather unpleasant gesture as it sent a small amount of blood and viscera flying, staining their legs.

"Greetings."

No response. Rude as always. Well, at least that meant Excalibur didn't have to be as polite either.

"Fool!" Excalibur began again, their voice echoing as they pointed their cane at Kid. "What is this mess?"

"_…__They predicted_," Kid eventually spoke; a hissing voice in what Excalibur was pretty sure wasn't in English. Or any other human language for that matter. "_They had rituals. Arachne__'__s research on the Great Old Ones.__"_

Tch. Her again.

"_Momentary immobilisation and sustained confusion by induced ego-death-_"

"Fool! No need to reminisce! It's all over now-"

"_No_," Kid cut them off, as one of the Lines twitched, its light flickering before burning brighter than ever. Next to Excalibur, a corpse sizzled. "_It will never be over, will it?_" Small sparks came from the Lines, coalescing into filaments of light barely thicker than a puppeteer's strings and Excalibur's grip on their cane faltered. "_No matter how much time passes, no matter what we do, how much we change, our past will haunt us. Revenge after revenge__…_"

Excalibur had heard these words come out of a Grim Reaper before, though not from Kid.

"Fool! This type of old man attitude never led to anything good." Excalibur knew that better than anyone. They had fallen prey to that.

"_I don__'__t appreciate your tone_."

Excalibur tensed. Would they have to fight? Excalibur had no issues about that, as they would surely, positively triumph over an inexperienced Grim Reaper. It would be an unpleasant experience for both of them though.

But not because Excalibur would lose. No, they just hated having to wash the stains off, such a chore that was...

Yes, if it came down to a fight, Excalibur would win. Definitely. They were sure of it, like they had been with so many other things. But in any case…

"Fool!" Excalibur let out again. "You are not trying to break through a glass pane but thick layers of rock-!"

"Shut up," came a laboured voice from Liz and Excalibur went silent.

The change in Kid was instantaneous; his gaze became focused, his blank expression switched to one of worry as he fussed over the barely conscious human. "Liz?" His voice was soft.

"Trying… focus…" Liz's hand twitched and gestured vaguely in Excalibur's direction. "Annoying."

"You…" Kid began, making several false starts. "You shouldn't move, we…" Kid trailed off lost, before blinking and gesturing to an empty area before him. "Contact, need to…"

The ground where Kid was pointing lit up with fluorescent purple shadows. A portal. Help should arrive any moment now, Excalibur supposed.

Faces appeared through the portal and Kid hurriedly talked to them. Excalibur ignored the conversation, as it seemed rather dull. Liz briefly opened her eyes, moaned and closed them again. Patty's breaths were steady.

"Help is coming," Kid spoke up, glancing between the portal and the Thompsons. "They need time to get the stretches and prepare, we- I, should…" Kid looked over Liz and Patty with a lost look.

"First aid," Excalibur spoke up.

"Yes, that," Kid quickly said, looking between Excalibur and the Thompsons, still distraught. "I… I can't remember."

"Let me," Excalibur spoke up. Among their many talents, they were also skilled in the art of first aid. It had been a rather recent talent, acquired after a great personal failing on their part.

…Well, Excalibur should let bygones be bygones. Arthur would have died either way.

"Please," came the Grim Reaper's voice, tiny and timid and very wrong to Excalibur ears.

"Very well," Excalibur responded with a polite nod. Though the please was unnecessary, they appreciated the politeness. "Sit her down and put pressure on the bleeding," they began, pleased that just this once, they were actually being listened to.

When Kid followed his instruction to the letter, Excalibur gestured to Patty. "Immobilise the fractures but don't try to realign the bones. Elevate the legs…"

\\*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*/

"Fool! There is no point in you standing like that. Go get a shower."

Kid disregarded them, standing upright centimetres away from the door where the surgery was taking place. He had been standing there for some time. Any blood that hadn't dried up on him now lay in a small puddle under him.

Excalibur huffed. So, it was back to not being listened to. Or talked to. Well, at Excalibur had said so and would enjoy when the door hit Kid's face when it would eventually open.

Honestly, Excalibur saw no point in the Grim Reaper's gesture. It wasn't as if any of them could assist with the humans' surgeries. Despite their nature, they were powerless in such matters. Mostly.

Right on cue, the door creaked open, but Kid took a step back and Excalibur began to think the whole concept of karma was a load of bullocks. Actually, they had been thinking that for some time -after all, despite all of Excalibur's selfless actions they had not been rewarded with even one decent Meister besides Arthur.

A disgruntled grey-haired pale man with a stitched-up face and dark circles under his eyes emerged. The head doctor here, Excalibur remembered, though his name escaped them. His name tag was obscured, though Excalibur was able to make out a few details. Frankenstein's monster? Something like that.

"Dr Stein," Kid quickly greeted the man while nervously playing with his fingers. Close enough, Excalibur supposed. "Are they-?"

"They're stable. They were hurt pretty badly so they'll need rest. And painkillers." A bandaged dreadlocked woman appeared from the room as well, handing Stein a clipboard. Her name tag read 'Mira Naigus, Registered Nurse'. "Patty will need rehab for her fingers. Liz will take longer to fully recover and may need closer monitoring." He looked over the clipboard. "However, they shouldn't have any permanent damage."

"It's good we got to them so fast," came Naigus' voice from inside the room. A strong smell of disinfectant emerged from it. "The first aid helped too."

The relief present in Kid's frame, the easing of his shoulders, the small furtive smile, frustrated Excalibur. They had told him the Thompsons would be fine, hadn't they? But no, as always, he hadn't listened…

Hmph.

"Thank you."

Stein stepped out and moments later a cigarette was on his lips. "I need to write up the report…" He paused, glancing between his cigarette and Kid. "Don't tell Marie."

It was brief, but there was a small smile on Kid's face. "You really should quit."

"I have," Stein said as he turned around and walked away. "Emergency midnight operations don't count."

Stein glanced at Excalibur as he passed by. Excalibur remained seated, hands on their cane as always. They had every reason to be here.

As Stein entered another room, Kid finally stepped away from the door and sat by one of the waiting chairs, close to Excalibur.

"Fool! This is no time to sit down. You must still shower-"

"Thank you too," Kid said and Excalibur went silent. "If you hadn't been there…"

Kid kept looking at them and Excalibur suppressed the urge to let out another 'Fool' as well as educate the young Grim Reaper on the etiquette of staring. Still, was there something he wanted to say?

Kid stayed silent.

Not having anything else to do, Excalibur thought back to the cave incident. About those words uttered to them, the concept of a never-ending cycle of tragedy. They had sounded alien, coming from Kid, the one who right now had come closest to ending that cycle, and Excalibur couldn't help but recall their previous words, about research and rituals and the Great Old Ones. The chains they had pried off after Liz and Patty had been taken off by the medical staff; horrible contraptions that they were, meant to dig deep into flesh and bone like hooks, and engraved with old forgotten runes about memories and loss.

…Had Excalibur been talking to Lord Death momentarily, or had it solely been Kid?

Ah, Excalibur was thinking too much. In the grand scheme of things, who cared about who Excalibur had been talking to? That time was gone now. Only fools worried about an immutable past.

…Excalibur was feeling rather foolish right now.

Besides, the two Thompsons would live. The Coven was eliminated. The alliance with the Witches would continue to prosper. There, this so-called cyle was now broken. Done and done.

"I am truly thankful," Kid spoke up again. Any relief he had from before had been replaced by newfound nervous energy as he played with his hands and looked solely on the floor. "I… What I tried to do, what I considered doing…" his voice cracked and Excalibur recalled the Line's bright light, string-like filaments eager to embed themselves in the soul of every living being, "I can't help but think what would have happened if-"

"Fool!" Excalibur cut him off. "There is no use in pondering what ifs."

Kid shook his head. "But if I acted like this when Liz and Patty got hurt, what will I do if this happens again, or if it's with someone else, or if something _worse_ happens-?"

Excalibur suppressed a frustrated sigh. "Fool! You've learned from that and only fools repeat their mistakes."

Kid scoffed. "I beg to differ."

Right, that was it, time for the cane to come out.

"No," Excalibur insisted as they swung their cane and brought it between Kid's eyes with deadly precision. "It is as I said-"

"Then I'm a fool I guess! Oh, how _foolish_ of me to worry," Excalibur was getting the distinct impression that he was subjected to this 'sarcasm' thing again. "It's not as if I'm a Great Old One or Order with a type of Madness which, if I used, if I just slip up just _once_, will unleash an unstoppable-!"

This time Excalibur did use the full power of his cane and swung it at Kid's face, though they were careful not enough to actually injure him, just stop them. The ensuing offended look was an unexpected benefit. "Fool, that's what I'm here for!"

Kid rubbed his cheek, more out of reflex than of any actual injury. Or at least Excalibur hoped so. "…What?"

"Among other things I suppose. That was why I was able to use the Death Room until you so rudely kicked me out." Kid tensed up but Excalibur had no time for a repeat of past nonsense, so they trudged on ahead. "I was given access by…" they briefly pondered which form of address was best until settling for the one Kid used, "your Father as they made me promise to keep an eye on you. I must say I'm doing an excellent job so far."

Kid looked down at his bloody form and raised an eyebrow.

Excalibur hmphed and turned up their nose. "I'm doing an excellent job, considering the circumstances."

"You're… looking after me? Because Father asked you to?"

"Fool! Don't make me repeat myself!"

Kid went silent as he looked between himself and Excalibur with… Gratitude? Yes, that was it, that must have been what that frown and tight-lipped grimace meant. Finally, Excalibur's selfless actions would be recognised-

"You're terrible at this," Kid muttered.

Excalibur may have resisted the urge to duke it out with the Grim Reaper again, but their endless patience was, like always, severely tested.

"Why are you doing that?" Kid seemed to reconsider. "What was your relationship to Father?"

Excalibur shrugged. "We were acquaintances during my stint in this Eight Warlords group."

Kid raised an eyebrow. "And you're kind enough to fulfil such a demanding promise to someone who was nothing more than an acquaintance."

Was that sarcasm again? Excalibur couldn't tell. Oh well, who cared?

"Of course I am."

Kid looked away with a new expression for Excalibur to decode. Another frown and slanted lips. Conviction? Yes, that must have been it.

In any case, this was another victory for Excalibur. Not only had they kept up the promise, mended the small rift which Excalibur was blameless in creating, they had also steered clear of the thorny past between them and Excalibur. Truly, they were a tactical genius when it came to conversation.

After all, there was no way to spin that part of the past in a positive manner…

Excalibur's first foray into conscience, a twisted result of the Witch Arachne's experiments that had confined them to a ridiculously small and unimpressive form. The resulting chaos when Excalibur, reasonably miffed at their unusual predicament, reacted the only way they knew at the time, unleashing heir Madness which led to a revolt and an escape. Their subsequent search for the ones responsible as the Witch had been a mere human; her research had a different originator, something much closer to what Excalibur was.

The discovery that the individual in question had been a being named Eibon.

How could Excalibur explain to Kid that the first time the Great Old Ones of Fury and Order met were as enemies? That Death had stood between Eibon and Excalibur? That Excalibur had been defeated in the fight that ensued? That, like rubbing salt in an open wound, Death had then invited Excalibur in a motley crew of fellow beings whose name at the time had been 'Work In Progress'?

Kid may have understood all that in a conceptual level, perhaps more intimately if Excalibur's sneaking suspicions about the identical nature of the Grim Reaper's souls held any weight, but that would only be Death's side of the story. Kid would never understand Excalibur's conundrum, nor the long hour of thinking that resulted in Excalibur join. A team-up that had not been the result of careful and objective consideration, but one born out of spite, where Excalibur had thought they could use to gain insight and finally take their revenge on Eibon, as well as Death for that humiliating defeat.

But then Excalibur had met Arthur.

And then Arthur died and Excalibur, understandably not quite right of mind at the time, had unleashed their fury and had tried to take another pot-shot at Death.

That second defeat had been even more humiliating than the first. Not only had Excalibur had his second loss, a number that hadn't increased even to this day, Death had had the audacity to empathise. To offer up a hand to the defeated and weak Excalibur despite their own grievous injuries, when Excalibur had been so close to beating them. To look down on the Meister-less Holy Sword in concern and say "it gets easier over time" in a soft tone. The audacity of it all!

And that hadn't been the end of it. After their second battle Excalibur chose to stay, for some inane reason, in the group now named the 'Eight Warlords'. Excalibur chose to spend time with Death, to the point where the Grim Reaper jokingly admitted that their second fight had been a close one, and they had been scared for a couple of moments during it that they would finally lose.

Excalibur had been so proud of that confession at the time. It was a victory of his own, that they had made Death themselves tremble in fear. Excalibur would have gone as far to say that it had become an inside joke between them, finally something Eibon hadn't been privy to. It wasn't hard to come up with varying lines about it too. The irony of Death being scared to lose had been a goldmine of jokes and wordplay. It had been a point of pride for Excalibur.

Then that whole Asura business had happened and Excalibur lost any such pride. Old good-natured jokes now sounded like the corrupting whispers of a Witch. They left, all of them, and Excalibur hadn't seen any of them until he had ventured into Death City some years ago.

And now…

What a sorry conclusion to it all. What a sorry conclusion to them all. Arachne had been killed by a Meister-Weapon pair that, though strong, were still human and had no idea of the true carnage she had sown, the pain and betrayal she had orchestrated. Eibon had left and lived in self-exile; a coward's move in Excalibur's opinion. Power had disappeared. All their Weapons were dead. Excalibur's one true Meister also lay dead, with only bones remaining; Excalibur had checked, just in case.

And finally, Death…

The Death Excalibur knew was gone, for good. What was left of them now was Kid, a Grim Reaper supposed to take up all the responsibilities of that role while not even being an adult by the pathetically low human standards. A baby at the wheel, one that tried their best but was still a baby, case in point with what had happened earlier.

That must have been why Death had made Excalibur promise. That's why Excalibur had accepted. That is why it fell to Excalibur, as always, to see that this disaster of a Great Old One got everything in order, like a wise old uncle.

Uncle. Huh. Excalibur did like the concept of nibblings. And they were wise.

A sigh brought Excalibur back to the present, to see a very tired and very bloody Kid rub his temples. What that expression had been before, Excalibur didn't particularly care. Their reminiscing had lowered their standards. Excalibur would consider every instance of Kid not responding with a smart-ass remark as a victory, as Death always had a perchance for them.

…But that Death was gone now. Excalibur was reminiscing again, trying to dig up a past that had been long forgotten, voluntarily or not. As it should be. Only fools would wish to look back at a tragedy.

"It gets easier over time," Excalibur let out, not sure why.

Kid did not respond. Another victory for Excalibur?

"Kid!" came several voices and before Excalibur knew what was happening, a gaggle of humans had turned around the corner and launched themselves at the Grim Reaper. Excalibur had seen them before, they remembered the girl's blonde pigtails, the albino boy's sharp-toothed grimace, the other girl's long black ponytail, but they'd be damned if they remembered any of their names.

"Miss Marie told us- " the pigtailed human let out in a hurried gasp. "We came as fast as we could -is that blood?!"

"Everyone," Kid managed to let out before being overwhelmed, embraced and questioned.

As the humans chatted with Kid, Excalibur sat back on their seat. When the humans then began pushing Kid towards the showers, Excalibur scoffed. They had already told him to do that multiple times. Besides, Kid would never be able to clean all the blood out; it had the annoying habit of ending up in places one never thought to clean; between toes in Excalibur's case.

Finally, as Kid was escorted to the showers by the gaggle of humans, Excalibur was left in an empty hallway. A puddle of dried blood was the only indication that someone had been there with them.

Excalibur tapped their cane. "Fool."

What fools they all were.

**-END-**

**Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed reading and want more stories like this, I recommend you check my other stuff (or maybe even commission me if you want sth in particular :P)**


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